holding planet, holding self
hurting world, ilusm. doing my best to tend heart, remind body we’re safe, maintain perspective, appreciate bright spots, feel anger, shame, disappointment, sorrow, grieve a culture that doesn’t tend all land as holy, has been at war my entire life.
tempting to pick a side, point fingers, repost pithy infographics to ‘educate’ those i deem ignorant, flaunt my knowledge, collapse in self-condemnation, victimize myself.
harder to be with the heart-break of what’s actually coming up — to be as well-informed as i am broadly desensitized to the daily violence experienced by occupied palestine (+ everywhere else), how clear the responsibility i hold as an american whose tax dollars uphold multiple apartheid states, how easily i collapse into powerlessness in face of the entrenchment + normalization of this. how vulnerable it feels to sincerely hope for peace.
what can i do? what can any of us?
these are the questions i keep asking myself:
- how am i impacted? how am i responsible? how am i not?
- before i speak, have i done the work to educate myself? listened to those closest? considered the perspectives of those i may disagree with? sifted through noise + polemic for nuanced + intersectional analysis?
- have i processed my emotional reactions + metabolized them into a response or am i venting from a reactive place? what support do i need to actually do that + discern the difference?
- how have i internalized violence similar to the injustice i want to resist? how do i dehumanize, divide, exploit, incarcerate? how am i perpetuating war with my life + what do i need to do to stop?
and maybe most importantly:
- what is the future i want to create? how do my work, money, the ways i care for myself, communicate, create, relate, etc, support the future i want? how do they undermine it?
would love to hear your thoughts, feelings + what questions / complexities you’re wrestling with.
PS you are not alone. please join me for ceremony on sunday, details in previous post. the hard questions feel easier when we have the right container + support.
spirit can make the impossible practical when we dare to open our hearts to receiving help.
in love, gratitude + whole-hearted hope xx
